The Boy Who Used To Be Me

Wow! A Manchester Man! Pretty fucking hot, i'd say, but what do I know, having not had a bf in like 7 or 8 years and .... well, lacking in the sex department. Just had a collosal argument with my mother --again. Happens most of the times I visit her. She doesn't get me, never has , I guess; thinks I'm straight, the oldest lving virgin and a lazy loser! It's clear in the thigns she says to me and her negative, superior attitude.

Did I mention my Mom is kinda nuts? She has been after me to wash the "sides of my face" for 5 years now, and consdiers me to be a really dirty, slob of a man. I have been visiting Mom for a week now, and she does start to drive one crazy, get on the nerves. But what's the alternative? I am trying to have a good relationship here! And, hell, it ain't easy! But if I go home ...there I am ...home again ...all a-fucking-lone, no fun at all!

Sometimes I wonder how I'm going to fix my life. None of us are getting any younger as the world turns. And one thing I know for sure now is that LONLINESS KILLS (the silent killer?)!

Some say that we need to live fully in the PRESENT, but, hey, if i did not have my memories of when I actually had a LIFE to rely on now ....? I don't know ....I think I might be in serious trouble. If not for the thoughts of Toronto in the 80s and 90s when I was still discovering, seeking, taking chances, meeting people, clubbing, dancing, loving, and even having sex, I might go completely mad!!! I don't mean to imply that everything was WONDERFUL, or that there were no struggles, no down periods .... But There was a JOY, and in the eye of the really rotten times, there remained, always, a sense that things could, and would likely get BETTER ....

That sense has been lacking for sometime now. What happened to the JOY?