How Do You Keep The Music Playing?

I do not know how to pick up the broken pieces of my sad, lonely life and get back with the fucking program. Yet this is something I absolutely MUST do. I know this, but it will not be easy. Is anything in life that is worth having easy to come by? Naw ...I suspect NOT! However, I am approaching 40 and it is not anywhere I have really thought of being, not like this anyway ... without the creature comforts, without the Career, without a partner and friends to share life with. Life goes on ... All around me, life goes on .... People are growing, moving, achieving. But WTF do I have to show for my nearly 40 years?!!! My God!!! What's it all about ALFIE ...?!

My world is so very far away from the world of hustlers and trannies of the 80s; so far away from the of time of Saturday nights, Friday nights ...Hell, Thursday, and sometime Wednesday nights at the Bar in Toronto, drinking beer and triple rum and Cokes, dancing my ass off and maintaining a respectable body weight. So so far away! Wow! The turns we take, the opportunities we grab hold of, or choose to let slip by, these are the tools that define us, the circumstances that determine how our lives will end up. I have made some rash choices, but weren't they the only ones I could have made given the situations and the knowledge I had at the time?