PAIN

JUST TRYING TO CHILL ...

Watching a movie on The Movie Network called White Palace starring Susan Sarandon and a young, sexy James Spader(later of Boston Legal). I like it a lot. It tells the story of a young man and older woman romance and the complications thereof. His friends, her friends. Family. The whole "mess". A lot of younger versions of well-known actors in it, too. It is rather well done, and I cannot believe I wasn't really aware of this film's existence up to now. A nice change.

It's just past dawn and my back has been bothering me most of the weekend. I've got to get back home pretty soon, as I have admittedly been away for maybe a bit too long. Who knows what's afoot at the house, with all the changes there this year?

What A Beautiful World (This Will Be)

Sitting on the can (rather it a man?)--just about to do some excercising. Pretty laid back in my world of lonliness and depression. Oh, what a life it's become for me! My back pain is back. Still @ Mom's and finally left the livingroom floor, where I drifted off, for the bedroom. Much more comfortable! Mom hasn't slept on her bed for years, or in a bedroom. Don't know why, but she has been sleeping on the sofa for years now.

Now I'm watching HERCULES on NBC starring Sean Astin. Hopefully not a mere waste of time. You have to be mighty suspicous of network television entertainment these days! Did some excercising but not enough. It won't be enough until I'm burning X amount of calories to evaporate all this FAT from my face, and mainly my protruding stomach which is most obviously my FAT's favorite deposit zone. Lord, I hate being FAT! My how the one mighty have fallen ...

And it takes such little time for the trasformation for something to nothing. And vice versa ... Time creeps up on us, young to old ... thin to fat ... and so on and so on ...

ALONE IN THE WORLD

12:32pm. Got a few things done today but there remains a huge disatisfaction in my life. On the good side ... ''Dynasty'' season one, when it was semi-serious dramatic fare, is now available on DVD! This is pre-Joan Collins ...actually her signature character, Alexis Morrell Carrington showed up in the season one cliffhanger's very final moments: ''Oh my God -- that's my mother ...(Pamela Sue Martin/Fallon)!'' Now all I need is the money to buy it. Mom is in the bathroom. I'm trying to find something on television. All alone though I'm still @ Mom's. Such is the TRUTH called my life.

FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE

It has been raining all weekend and the forecast doesn't have it ending until Friday! For me,this short visit has suggests just how alone I really might be. The sad truth? The East Coast contingent of the family has no time for me ... The only thing can save me from an inevitable insanity end is a bonafide lonliness-killing miracle. Who'd have thought I'd wake up in my 30s and have no friends?! For once in my life can't I find a thing that @ least resembles happiness?

RAIN, RAIN, RAIN

Mothers' Day. I have been @ my Mom's place since a little after midnight Friday/Saturday. Things are not going great as she is even more critical now that she is back with the church. My family does not value my presence and in many ways I had been better off living in the Big City.

THE INVISIBLE MAN STRIKES AGAIN

Brown is the color of my true love's eyes, hair, but really @ this age I'm not that picky ... True Love if ya wants me come and gets me ... Hey hey hey! But seriously folks, having one of them dere shit days like Monica the R&B singer used to sang about, ya know? Missed the bus, bad hair day again, and I swear I found yet another gray ... I got a headache on top of all that shit and evemn had to cab in down to the public library just so I might right this ting. My Moms sort'a pissed me off again. I don't thing she really menat to but she just says things without caring about, or assumping responsibility for what she says. Why does she get away with that and nobody else can do it? Anyway, I am aware that mother's day is aproaching yet again, and I wanted to do something special ... Now, though I'm running out of cash. When I had it and asked Mom what she might want, she had no answer for me ... Sister will probably do something real LOUD that will make me look and feel insignificant ... Such is the life of THE INVISIBLE MAN ...